…still awake, drowning in thoughts. #thosenights
— Kristine. (@KrisMyFeet) October 27, 2014
Sometimes I get carried away inside my thoughts;
My thoughts are not complex, they’re pretty normal: it wanders from what is going to happen two years from now to what I’m going to eat that evening. In my thoughts, I form decisions, ideas , hopes, dreams and imaginations…and that’s when everything goes out of my hand.
Sometimes my thoughts eat me up;
I get lost within the complex mazes of things unknown. When I do, my eyes diverts from the Light that is set before me, and start looking at myself. I start being overwhelmed by the unknown, the situation , the circumstance or even the will that God has placed before me. I start making my plans and my course of action: how could I make it happen? ; how could I fix it? ; how could I make it known?
It becomes a burden;
Everything becomes too heavy to carry, the answers too complex and sometimes there is no answer. I drown in the dark waters of uncertainty, worry and even fear.
I stay there too long, I’ll be blinded…I’ll forget that there was that Light that was set before me.
And that Light, is Your thoughts towards me.
For David, the king and the man after Your own heart sings:
5 You have multiplied, O Lord my God, your wondrous deeds and your thoughts toward us; none can compare with you! I will proclaim and tell of them, yet they are more than can be told. Psalms 40:5
5 How great are your works, O Lord! Your thoughts are very deep! 6 The stupid man cannot know; the fool cannot understand this: Psalms 92: 5-6
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! 18 If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with you. Psalms 139:17-18
(And yes, it is foolish to undermind the thoughts God has for me.
I’m such a fool.)
And with the words of Your mouth You have declared:
8 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. 9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8-9
When You spoke I heard;
Despite the darkness around me and the difficulty, I pushed through the darkness, through my own blindness and followed Your voice. Your voice was a whisper at first, but Your voice grew louder and louder in my ears, I knew You were near–-I knew the Light was near.
Then I found the Light;
With a clear voice You spoke:
11 so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it. Isaiah 55:11
Then I (tearfully) realized;
That it is not my thoughts that define and guide me. It is Your word. What a relief, what a joy, what a victory. I carried a burden (even the awesome plan, will and purpose You have for my life became a burden) because I decided to play God. I was not meant to carry it. I was meant to hand it over and trust that You will bring me through.
You are my sovereign God whom I trust, that everything is under Your control not mine. It’s not through my strength but Yours, and through godly fear I will be granted wisdom. Who am I to impose my thoughts to myself? It’s not I who live but Christ who lives within me. I am dead to self and You are in control.
Then I’m back in a straight path with the Light on the end of the tunnel.
(and even though I might stray more than once, You are faithful to find me time and time again)